Subject: Fathers setting goals
From: "Fatherhood Foundation" <[email-masked]>
To: "Warwick Marsh" <[email-masked]>
Date: Sun, 9 May 2004 07:27:03 +1000

Issue No. 89-10th May, 2004

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Dads with Young Children

Grandads

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Single Dads

Special Feature

Thought for the Week

News & Info

Dad's Prayer

Mission Statement & Help Us!

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Dear Warwick,

Goal setting in life is something that is only actively practised by 2-3% of the population.  There is no doubt that this small percentage of people is the most wealthy and successful in their chosen field of endeavour, as compared with the wider population.  Why?  The answer is simple.  They have thought about what they want to do in life.  These goal setters have worked out where they want to go to in life, and have also worked out a plan of how to get there.  More often than not the goal setting is built around financial and career planning.

Fathers that want to go to the next level as a dad must begin to plan for success.  The answer is to develop a life plan that not only includes your career and material goals as a man, but to integrate these important goals with your family and fatherhood goals.  Working out your own set of values is a key part of this process.

Golden Goals – Value Driven Goals

Dale Carnegie talks about having a secret gold standard.  Values are more important than great wealth.  If you don’t have good values, you don’t have good foundations. Think of the story of the wise man building on the rock.  Having a sound value system is like building a house on solid rock.  The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, but you still have to know where you are going in order to get there.  Most people are on the road to nowhere.  They don’t have a clearly defined destination for their life.  Goal setting across the broad spectrum of your life will help you not only find your destination but actually give you a happier life.  Write your goals down to make it plain.  Do this every year, change them as you need to, have daily goals, weekly, short term, yearly, 5 yearly, 10 yearly, life time goals.  Without goals people perish in every sense of the word.

Ten Important Goals

Life Goals

1) Spiritual Goals

Value Goals

2) Integrity & Truth Goals

3) Attitude Goals

4) Learning Goals

Relational Goals

5) Personal Goals

6) Health Goals

7) Family: Marital & Fatherhood Goals

8) Community: Giving & Helping Goals

Material, Financial & Work Goals

9) Career, Business & Work Goals

10) Financial, Business & Asset Goals

Lovework

Consider all ten of the above areas of your life and begin to list your goals.  Dream big!  Imagine yourself at the end of your life and begin with the end in mind.  If you begin to write out your goals for life and your direction as a father, you will immediately move into a very elite group of people who have at least written down their life destination.  It’s amazing what an effect this will have on your ability as a father to improve your skills and give your family direction.  Don’t put it off!  Begin the process now!

Yours for a good destination

Warwick Marsh

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Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 28 years. He is the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 23 years to 11 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself.

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Dads with Young Children

THE ART OF FATHERING – TEACHING THE TEACHER

Ever wondered just how a child grows in wisdom, blossoms into a learning vacuum that takes it all in, seemingly without effort, without asking for it? Ever wondered “who taught my child to do that”, or “where did he hear that from?”

I remember hearing this comment; “You do not have to sit outside in the dark – however, if you want to look at the stars, you will find darkness is required. Pretty obvious eh? But, here’s the thing – the stars neither require nor demand you do it; they are just there, ready and waiting. Same as a piano sits in a room, gathering dust. It is full of the music of the masters, but in order for such strains to flow from it – fingers must strike the keys. They must be trained fingers, representing endless hours of disciplined dedication. You don’t have to practice. The piano neither requires nor demands it. If, however, you want to draw beautiful music from the piano, the discipline is required.

A child plays at your feet, growing and learning. That little one has incredible potential, a hidden reservoir of capability and creativity, but in order for those possibilities to be developed, parents must take time…listen, train, encourage, reprove, challenge, support and model. Mums and dads do not have to do any of that. The child neither requires nor demands that we do so. If, however, we hope to raise secure and healthy offspring, those things are required.

Time spreads itself before us, directionless and vacant. That time can be filled with meaningful activities and personal accomplishments, but in order for that to occur, you must think through a plan and carry it out. You do not have to plan or carry through. Time neither requires nor demands it. If, however you hope to look back over those days, weeks, months, and years and smile at what was achieved, planning is required.

What is true of the stars, a piano, a child, and the days ahead is especially true of your mind. It awaits absorption. It will soak up whatever you feed it: imaginary worries, fears, filthy and seductive thoughts, hours of television, and selfish greed.or... good books, stimulating discussions, learning new skills. Light won’t automatically shine upon you, nor will truth silently seep into your head by means of a rocking-chair osmosis…effort is required.

How much more effort should be applied to the raising of our children, the food and water we offer them on a daily basis. Be it our words, the books we offer them, the priorities we place in their life, their surroundings, and of course their peers. All of this will shape them…they do not ask for it, they don’t require nor demand it…simply accept it. Think about the way our children are being shaped today, how they are growing and expanding intellectually…ultimately coming upon the realisation of “who is really teaching our children”.

It’s a big classroom out there; with many teachers. Parents pick up your chalk and duster…class is in!

Till Next Time…Paul

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Paul and his wife are the Children’s Ministry Coordinators for the Goodlife

Community Centre in Buderim, QLD. Paul has children aged two, ten and thirteen years. Paul is an active surfer and a family man who hasn't lost his sense of humour.

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Grandads

Men with a clear goal

Book review by Ron Hellyer

The incredible impact of a man on His family is the message underlying Gary’s book he co-authored with John Trent, called the Hidden Value of Man.

‘Ask any of the people who fought in World War II or in Desert Storm, and they’ll tell you they had an overall plan that was clearly set before them and an unmistakable spirit of teamwork in accomplishing their goals. In one case the goal was finishing a fight with Hitler and Hirohito that had been brought to Alliance soil, and the other was joining with the world to drive out a madman out of tiny Kuwait. Those men and women, with clear goals and close knit teams, won in a mighty way. And while no less valiant, those who fought in Vietnam were not given clear, overall goals that could lift their spirits and rally a nation behind them’.

‘As  couples and as parents you will never reach the level of fulfilment you could unless you have a clear direction. The absence of clear goals is one of the biggest worldwide problems in families’

Gary and John’s research indicates that ‘Husbands and wives simply do not know where they are going, and without clear, overall goals of headship and submission, guiding a relationship can be impossible.’

‘Taking time to set clear goals as a couple is one of the most powerful, unifying, and loving things you can do.’ Gary and John write.

A father is the leader of his family, the director of the house and ‘ a woman is drawn to a man who provides loving leadership but resists one who makes self-centred demands’. The husband needs to value and honour his wife and children as ‘love grows out of an attitude of honouring someone’

The book is a Focus on Family series and sets out goals that husbands and wives can make which can set the course of their family in a positive growing and loving direction. Even if you can’t keep up with the exercises, the goals that can be set are vitally important to understanding the family foundation.

Highly recommended from Tyndale House publishers.

Available at www.koorong.com.au or www.word.com.au

_________________________________________________________

Gary Smalley is  the author and co-author of 16 best-selling, award-winning books along with several popular films and videos. He has spent over 30 years learning, teaching, and counselling. Gary and his wife, Norma, have been married for 39 years and live in Branson, Missouri. They have three children, Kari, Greg, and Michael, and seven grandchildren.

http://smalley.gospelcom.net/

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Laughter

What not to say to your wife!!.

10. “You look great for a woman who has had four kids.”
9.  “This is almost as good as mom used to make.”
8.  “Thanks for the new shirt. It’ll be great for working on the car.”
7.  “That’s a great new hairdo, Honey. How much did it cost?”
6.  “I never knew you could sing that close to pitch.”
5.  “I like it when you wait until halftime to vacuum.”
4.  “Whaddaya want me to say? Okay, you look fabulous.”
3.  “This ... meatloaf is a neat color.”
2 . “Yes, that actress is beautiful, but you’re pretty on the inside.”
1.  “Wow, that makeup works wonders!”

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Single Dads

Making the most of long distance fathering

by Ken Cranfield

Last summer, pitcher Terry Mulholland was selected as the starting pitcher for the National League in the All-Star Game. Mulholland planned to reject the invitation and pass up a chance to pitch in the summer classic. Why? Because Terry is also a father. He's a long-distance dad who saw the three-day break as a chance to catch up with his young son, Tyler. They'd planned a father-son fishing trip, and Terry was determined to keep his word. As it turned out, Mulholland's manager gave him another day off, so he was able to pitch in the game and then fly to Arizona to take Tyler fishing.

There are such men who are recognized for wanting to be successful in the eyes of their kids, despite the distance. But for many long-distance dads, life is anything but glorious. Sometimes it seems you receive nothing but contempt from society at large.

NO ACCESS!

The one obstacle all non-custodial fathers must hurdle is access: seeing your children at any time and participating in the daily happenings of their lives. For many single dads, there's nothing you wouldn't give to have free access to your children. You must look at the men out there who do live with their children-but aren't really involved in their lives-and just shake your head. The movie Mrs. Doubtfire helped to surface a lot of these complex, difficult emotions.

And your situation has only been made worse by the unfortunate legacy associated with single fathers. Those men who are irresponsible and inconsistent with their kids, who are bitter and unforgiving toward their ex-wives, and who deserve the term 'Deadbeat Dad' have helped to create an atmosphere of distrust toward all single fathers. No matter how committed you may be to your children, you'd be wise to realize from the beginning that it's going to take time to earn back the trust that other men have squandered, whether you're dealing with judges, social workers, or ex-wives.

Divorce naturally brings distrust between a man and woman. But even though she's no longer your legal spouse, she's still your children's mother. Your kids' sense of confusion and insecurity will be minimized by a civil, cooperative relationship between their parents.

'3-LEGGED TABLES'

There's a simple plan for effective fathering which we call the I-CANs: Involvement, Consistency, Awareness, and Nurturance. Together they encompass everything that strong fathers do. For a divorced or long-distance dad, the problem of no access has placed you at a disadvantage. How can you possibly be highly involved in your kids' lives?

A four-legged table is sturdy-much more so than one with three legs or two. In the same way, the four I-CANs make for sturdy, confident fathering. But if your situation has taken you away from your kids, losing that one leg (Involvement) may cause your 'table' to wobble or even collapse. That's no reason to give up; it's a call to work even harder to bolster the other three legs-Consistency, Awareness and Nurturance.

Work especially hard on consistency-be regular and predictable in your emotions, your schedule, and in keeping promises. Your consistency will be most apparent in communication, support payments, and being prompt and reliable during visitation. Maintain an awareness: get feedback as often as you can about your children. Talk to teachers and coaches, and keep track of each child's individual needs and concerns. Make sure you physically nurture them when you're with them, but also do it verbally as often as you can. Instead of being lavish with new toys or other gifts, shower them with displays and words of affection. Affirm them for who they are and for what they were created to be.

YOU CAN'T MAKE UP FOR LOST TIME

Maybe you're just beginning to realize the power and the rewards of being a good father. Maybe you feel you've let them down in the past. It happens to every dad, and it's natural to want to make it up to them somehow. That's a good instinct to have. Unfortunately, it's easy to channel that healthy resolve into wild extravaganzas with your kids to try to make things right.

So maybe you take them to baseball games and amusement parks, and load them down with pennants, stuffed animals, junk food and a lot of confusion. Kids love these activities, but such 'blow-outs' are only one side of a huge pendulum swing. A month of not hearing from their father and then POW. It can really shake kids up.

All children need regular and predictable contact with their father (Consistency!). An encouraging phone call once a week is more beneficial to them than four trips to Disney World strewn throughout the year. And think of your child's mother: it's hard to bring a child back down to earth after a week with dad filled with amusement parks and Pizza Hut.

What do you want your child to remember about your relationship during these years? A roller coaster ride? A grand slam home run? Or, would you rather have him remember many times with you, and none of them really stick out in his mind because the events themselves weren't important. He simply cherished the chance to spend time getting to know his dad.

How would your kids define fatherhood? As a series of erratic, confusing phone calls? Broken promises? What Mum mutters about under her breath? They desperately need you to redefine fatherhood for them, because someday they may either become a dad or be married to one, and they'll think of the influential men in their lives. If you've done your best to stay involved in their lives, they'll think of you. And if you've been faithful and made the most of a tough situation, they'll have a wealth of memories which will bring confidence and strength as they grow up, marry and bring up their own children.
_________________________________________________________

Dr. Ken R. Cranfield is a research scholar specializing in the area of fatherhood and the history of the family. He serves as president of the Kansas City-based National Center for Fathering - a non-profit education and research center dedicated to inspiring and equipping men to be responsible fathers.
Visit www.fathers.com

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Special Feature

Are Australian Schools heading in the same direction

as those in the USA?

Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.

We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's 'inappropriate' to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such 'judgments' do not belong.

We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen

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Thought for the Week

Every man is enthusiastic at times.

One man has enthusiasm

for thirty minutes,

another has it for thirty days –

But it is the man that has it

for thirty years

who makes a success in life.

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News & Info

There is no doubt families will feature heaviliy in the election. Another sweetener is coming in Tuesdays budget as an extract from Steve Lewis's Australian article states:

'Ahead of next Tuesday's budget, the leaked cabinet documents - obtained by The Australian - show the Prime Minister's work and family blueprint includes a package of childcare measures and promotion of 'family-friendly workplaces'.

Also identified by Mr Howard as worthwhile measures are: after-school activities to tackle childhood obesity; playgroups to provide 'social connection' and parental support; and pilot programs to help teenagers.

http://www.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,4057,9490833%255E28097,00.html

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Dad's Prayer

Dear God

Help me to figure out the wood

from the trees.

Help me to understand what

I should prioritise.

Help me to work out my life plan.

Help me to plan my goals for the future.

I need to know where I am going!

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Mission Statement & Help Us!

Mission Statement
The Fatherhood Foundation is a charitable, non profit incorporated association with a goal to inspire men to a greater level of excellence as fathers, by encouraging and educating them, thereby renewing and empowering families.

Click here for more information about us

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation believes that the key to life is giving.  That's why this newsletter is given freely without expectation.  Life is also about relationships.  That's what being a good father is all about, developing relationships with your loved ones.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation,

please mail your cheque or money order to:

Fatherhood Foundation

PO Box 440

WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520

AUSTRALIA

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